bills coconut bread with raspberry cream cheese swirl



we're gonna discuss things that are perfect.. and taint those things. 




bill granger, i put cheesecake in your bread...
are you offended? don't be. 
think of things that are perfect. add cream cheese into the mix. is it even better now? yeah.




pesto. i think pesto is perfect and i want it on most things. with cream cheese? on a bagel!? heck yes. 
a beach bike ride in the summer. perfect. with a cheesecake in the basket. yessir, yep
ryan gosling. good lord. you stop it ryan gosling. you and your face. oh my god, you brought me cheesecake ryan gosling?!
why did i bring him up...now no one is gonna care at all about this bread. 




(but in keeping up with the theme, you should, its perfect!)




ahh what a delight. i think i have a new fave. 


Coconut Bread with Raspberry Cream Cheese Swirl
adapted from Bill Granger's famous coconut bread

2 large eggs
1 1/4 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp cinnamon
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups flaked coconut
6 tbsp unsalted butter, melted

for swirl:
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup sugar
1 tbsp flour
a few handfuls of raspberries

preheat oven to 350. in a bowl whisk together eggs, milk, and vanilla. 
in a medium bowl, sift flour, baking powder, and cinnamon. add sugar and coconut, stir to mix. make a well in the center and pour in egg mixture. gradually mix with dry ingredients, until just combined. add melted butter, ad stir until smooth. don't overmix!

for swirl: with an electric mixer, beat cream cheese til smooth. beat in all the ingredients but the raspberries, scraping down the bowl. fold in the raspberries.  (i did this before mixing the wet and dry ingredients of the bread so everything would be ready to go)

oil and flour an 8 or 9 inch loaf pan (the original recipe calls for an 8 inch pan, but with the added cream cheese layer it would overflow. i had enough for a 9 inch loaf and a mini loaf). pour half batter into loaf pan, followed by the layer of cheesecake, and topped with the rest of the batter. bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 1-1 1/4 hours. cool in pan for 10 minutes, then remove from pan and finish cooling on a cooling rack. 



carrot cake madeleines


oh dear heavens it's almost been a week! this week flew. i went to catalina, ate tons of calamari, and now my wisdom teeth are growing in causing me severe mouth pain.

hi
i'm gonna complain again. my lips are so chapped. i feel like everyone is staring at them when i talk to them. stop looking at them.
they itch. it's weird to itch lips.
this has absolutely nothing to do with madeleines.


sometimes you just get it right. this time i did. booyah.
carrot cake madeleines.
they are so adorable, i'm in love. with their lightness and delicate crumb. also with their soft bellies.


every time i eat carrot cake i remember how much i'm obsessed with carrot cake.


oh hey carrot cake madeleines. you're slim and sexy like most french things.
they scream for a cup of coffee or tea. they would like to be eaten by a windowsill. and they demand a little bowl of cream cheese frosting on the side..because..come on, it's carrot cake.



Carrot Cake Madeleines
adapted from Baking from my Home to Yours by Dorie Greenspan

2/3 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp cinnamon
pinch of nutmeg, cloves, ginger
pinch of salt
1/2 cup sugar
zest of 1 lemon
2 large eggs, room temperature
2 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cup grated carrots (2-3 carrots)
3/4 stick (6 tbsp) unsalted butter, melted and cooled

whisk together flour, baking powder, spices, and salt. working in a bowl with an electric mixer, rub the sugar and lemon zest together with your fingertips. add the eggs to the bowl and beat with the sugar on medium-high speed until thick and pale, 2-3 minutes. beat in the vanilla and then the carrots. with a rubber spatula, gently fold in the dry ingredients, followed by the melted butter. press a piece of plastic wrap against the surface of the batter and refrigerate for at least 3 hours, or for up to 2 days. the long chill period with help the batter form the classic madeleine hump in the oven. 
when you are ready to bake, preheat oven to 400. butter 12 full size madeleine molds, dust the insides with flour and tap out excess. spoon the batter into molds, filling almost to the top. bake for 11-13 minutes until golden and the tops spring back when touched. 

Cream Cheese Frosting (optional, but so mandatory)

8 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups confectioners sugar

beat cream cheese and butter in an electric mixer. add vanilla and then sugar. bam. 

white chocolate chunk cookies with orange zest and nutella


who wants cookies??????????
me
me
me.
me!!
me
mE

meeee
moi
me!
me meme
ME
me
meeEow
mee
ME!
meese
me
i do!
me!!!!!!!


let's pretend we are sitting indian style eating them together while they're still warm and gooey from the oven.



White Chocolate Chunk Cookies with Orange Zest and Nutella
adapted from Bill Yosses's chocolate chip cookie recipe in the Perfect Finish

some things about making these..i was going to add hazelnuts to the dough, but i didn't have any. if you have some, throw those in there. also. the difference between good white chocolate and not good white chocolate is major. make sure your white chocolate contains cocoa butter and is ivory not white! callebaut, valrhona, guittard, and lindt are all great kinds. even if you're one of those folk who "doesn't like" white chocolate, the good stuff is luxurious. use a bar and give it a rough chop. no chips! it makes all the difference. totes, man. 

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 stick butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/4 cup nutella
2 large eggs, room temperature
1 tsp vanilla
zest of 1 orange
8 oz white chocolate, chopped
4 oz bittersweet chocolate
sea salt for sprinkling

preheat oven to 375. line a few baking sheets with parchment. sift the flour, baking soda, salt. in a bowl with an electric mixer, cream the butter and sugars. add the nutella and beat until smooth. beat in the eggs one at a time, then the vanilla and zest. gradually add the flour mixture on low speed until the dough comes together. stir in the chocolate pieces. drop heaping tablespoons of dough 2 inches apart on the cookie sheets, flatten them slightly, and sprinkle each with sea salt. 
bake until lightly browned, 8 to 10 minutes. 


stuffed poblanos


truth or dare?
truth. always truth.
did you just go to the gym?
no. i'm just running errands here in these work out clothes so i didn't have to think about dressing myself.
i woke up, my hair looks dumb, my eyes are still puffy from the jalapeno juice i somehow managed to rub into them after washing my hands ten times, and now i really really just don't feel like dedicating my brains to clothing choices. gym clothes. i win.

holy jalapenos. they are rude to the max. no matter how hard i try, my fingers will burn. then a part of my nostril. then probably my eyeball. this has seemed to set off some evil kind of chain reaction. now both my eyeballs are watery and lame, my nose is stuffed.
good heavens. i'm even wheezing a little. i had to bust out the inhaler.

and yet, for you, stuffed poblanos, it was all worth it. scrumptiously awesome, i want more now.



i felt cool at the market buying a giant bag of poblanos.
does that make me seem tough, sir?
do you fear me a tad now that you know i walk around with big bags of peppers?
i'll swing it at you.

no i won't, i'm totally polite in real life.


so here's what you'll do. you will slice them in half and get out all those seeds and junk. now you take that pepper, look it in the eye, and stuff it with everything good.
black beans. fresh corn. spinach. lima beans. zucchini. two cheeses. yes!
now, snuggle them up in some simple sauce and top those babies with cheese. more pepper jack and cotija. heck yes i want that.
bake it up til its melty, pour some wine, slice up some avocado and bread, and serve them to your pajama pant wearing guests.
who are, most definitely, the best kind of guests.

Stuffed Poblano Peppers
adapted from Everyday Food

1 can (28 ounces) whole tomatoes in puree
1 jalapeno, ribs and seeds removed, minced
2 onions, chopped
3 garlic cloves
coarse salt and pepper
1 19 oz can black beans, rinsed and drained
2 cups fresh corn
1 cup lima beans, fresh or frozen
1 zucchini, finely chopped or shredded
1/2 bunch cilantro, chopped
a few handfuls of spinach
1/2 cup cornmeal
1 cup pepper jack, shredded
1/2-3/4 cup cotija cheese 
1 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp smoked paprika
4-5 large poblano chiles, halved lengthwise, ribs and seeds removed

preheat the oven to 425. set the zucchini in a strainer with a pinch of salt to strain out some of the water, set aside. in a blender or food processor, combine tomatoes, jalapeno, 2 garlic cloves, a handful of cilantro, and half the onions. season liberally with salt and pepper. pour sauce into a 9x13 baking dish. 
in a big bowl, combine the rest of the onions and chopped garlic clove with black beans, lima beans, corn, zucchini,  1/2 cup of both cheeses, cilantro, spinach, cornmeal, spices, and 3/4 cup water. season with salt and pepper. stuff each pepper half with the mixture and arrange in the sauce. top them with the rest of the cheeses and cover dish with aluminum. bake for about 45 minutes, until the peppers are tender. then remove the foil and bake 15 more minutes until the cheese is browned and bubbly. 


white nectarine and plum pastry handkerchiefs


i love fruit so much. i want to hug it. since i'd probably have some awkward explaining to do if someone walked in on me hugging my fruit, i made little hugs out of pastry instead.


little pockets of fruit hugs. love love love.
they get oober caramelized and jammy in the oven.


pastry studio. her blog is the bomb. ah how i envy her craft and mad skillz. it's where i first saw these and needed to sprint to my kitchen to make them. 

White Nectarine and Plum Handkerchiefs
from here

2 cups flour
2 tbsp sugar
1/4 salt
1 cup butter, cold and cut into small pieces
1 egg yolk
2/3 cup sour cream
4 ripe plums, peaches, or nectarines
3 tbsp sugar
pinch of ground cardamom
1 egg + 1 tbsp water for egg wash

make the pastry: combine flour, sugar, and salt in the bowl of a food processor. add the chopped butter and process until it resembles coarse meal. add the sour cream and yolk and pulse just until the dough starts to come together. don't overmix. gather the dough and portion it into 2 discs. wrap each tightly in plastic and chill. 
place one of the things of chilled dough on a lightly floured piece of parchment and let it warm a bit. dust lightly with flour and roll out a rectangle. trim edges. cut the dough into about 12 4"x4" pieces. chill those while you repeat the process on the second thing of dough. 
cut the fruit into thin slices. whisk together the sugar and cardamom. combine the egg and water to make the egg wash. remove half the dough squares. to create little pockets, place a square of pastry on your work surface with the corners in the shape of a diamond. top with 3-4 slices of fruit on the upper half of the diamond. moisten the border with egg wash. sprinkle generously with sugar on the whole surface of the pastry. fold the two sides of the dough into the center and then bring the bottom half up. they should look like little envelopes. place on baking sheet lined with parchment. continue with all the squares and chill for another hour.
preheat the oven to 375. brush the pastries with remaining egg wash and sprinkle the whole surface with remaining sugar. bake for about 20 minutes, rotating halfway through, until the pastries are crisp and golden. 



peanut butter blackberry pavlova meringue stack thing



i'm thankful that i'm allergic to cats instead of peanut butter. my father and kid sister are deathly allergic to peanuts. my dearest mother and i are the chosen ones.
hey mom. what are you doing? eating peanut butter because you can? cool, me too


alright, let's build something. that pretty thing up there that drew you in to begin with. its a peanut butter blackberry pavlova meringue cake stack thing. or a dessert pb&j. it's off the hook. 




first, some blackberries. they're so funky looking. like bugs. delicious plump bugs. or like lots of baby grapes smushed together.


now make meringues. whip up some egg whites and sugar. fold in crunchy peanut butter, milk chocolate, and toasty almonds. 1 1/2 hours in the oven and they'll come out like crisp little cookie pancakes.
side note. make cookie pancakes




sweet. meringues and blackberries. what more could you want? nail polish? fine. in your berries?! greedy beings.



ok now we're gonna whip up some cream and get stackin. 


invite some lovely guests over. act fancy. drink tea with your pinky up. put on a dress. throw in a british accent. now pat yourself on the back, you've just disguised peanut butter and jelly in a dainty china bowl. 

when your guests aren't looking, sneak away, alone, with a spoon and wet naps. take your spoon and whack it. smash it all up into a gorgeous mess. gather giant spoonfuls of nutty meringue, cream, and berriness. shovel into face. 


return to your classy guests and cackle inside as you watch them struggle to eat like ladies. 


Peanut Butter Meringue Stack with Blackberry Compote

Peanut Butter Meringues
adapted from Alice Medrich's Chewy Gooey Crispy Crunchy Melt-in-Your-Mouth Cookies

3 egg whites, room temperature
1/8 tsp cream of tartar
2/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup chunky natural peanut butter
3 tbsp salted toasted almonds, chopped
4 oz milk chocolate, chopped

preheat oven to 200. line 2 baking sheets with parchment. combine egg whites and cream of tartar in a clean, dry bowl. beat at medium-high speed until the egg whites are white (instead of translucent) and hold a soft shape when lifted. continue to beat on high speed, adding sugar a little at a time, taking 2 minutes in all, until the whites are very stiff. dollop peanut butter over the meringue and fold in with spatula. fold in the almonds and chocolate. drop tablespoons or pipe with a piping tip onto cookie sheets, 2 inches apart. bake for 1 1/2 hours, rotating the pans top to bottom and front to back halfway through. at the end of baking the meringues should be dry and crisp. they can be stored in airtight containers for up to 2 weeks. woohoo!

Blackberry Compote

container of blackberries
a tablespoon or two of sugar
a squeeze of lemon

combine everything in a saucepan over low heat. crush the blackberries with a fork and cook until all the juices release and it becomes saucy and thick. 

Whipped Cream

1 cup heavy cream
1/3 cup confectioners sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla

beat cream with mixer and gradually add in sugar. add vanilla. beat til peaks are stiff but not dry. 

oh and make little sandwiches for yourself with the leftovers


Chocolate Cake + Chai Cream Cheese + Orange Whipped Cream


hey. 
hello. 
when you have lovely company you are not supposed to sit in the corner and blog. you are supposed to jump in the ocean and eat delicious meals and go to las vegas and pretend that you are on vacation as well. 
but oh, i've missed you blog! so much that i made a cake for absolutely no reason at all. just to have a cake. i don't know anyone who has a birthday today, but i'd like to. so if it's your birthday then here's to you. i'd like to plate you up a fat slice of this cake and make you wear a sombrero. 


for the rest of you non-birthdayers. come on, do you really need an excuse to eat a cake?

run down:
layers = my favorite chocolate cake. rich and moist for days
innards = chai cream cheese filling
outer = orange whipped cream

i made it mini. you can make it maxi. imagine dipping those chocolate orange slices into a chai latte. and keep thinking about that further and realize that that probably wouldn't be that great at all but this cake totally is and i want you to have it. 



Chocolate Cake with Chai Cream Cheese Filling
and Orange Whipped Cream

Chocolate Layers
barely adapted from gourmet's double chocolate cake

3 ounces good semisweet chocolate
1 1/2 cups hot brewed coffee
3 cups sugar
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder
1 1/4 tsp salt
3 large eggs
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups buttermilk
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp almond extract

Chai Cream Cheese Filling

12 ounces cream cheese, softened
1 stick butter, softened
2 1/2 cups confectioners sugar
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 tsp ground cardamom
3/4 tsp ground cinnamon
pinch of ground ginger
pinch of cloves
pinch of nutmeg

Orange Whipped Cream

2 cups heavy whipping cream
2/3 cup confectioners sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
zest of two oranges

for the cake:
preheat oven to 300. grease pans (2 10-inch round pans or 3 8-inch round pans) and line bottoms with parchment rounds. finely chop chocolate and combine in a bowl with hot coffee. let the mix stand, stir occasionally until all the chocolate is melted and smooth. 
in a large bowl, sift together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. in a large bowl with an electric mixer beat eggs until slightly thickened and lemon colored, about 3 minutes. slowly add oil, buttermilk, vanilla, almond, and melted chocolate mixture to eggs, beating until combined well. add dry mixture and beat until just combined well. divide batter between pans and bake in the middle of the oven until a tested comes out clean, about 1 hour to 1 hour and 15 minutes. 
cool layers in pans on racks. run a thin knife around edges of pans and invert. 

for the filling:
beat cream cheese and butter together in an electric mixer until fluffy. beat in sugar, vanilla, and chai spices

for the whipped cream:
beat the cream with the whisk attachment in an electric mixer. after a minute or two add in sugar, vanilla, and zest. beat until stiff peaks form.

to assemble: 
place first layer on cake plate. dollop as much or little chai filling onto the layer and spread just until the edges. i like to stick it in the fridge and let each layer firm up as you build the cake. next layer of cake and filling. fridge. last layer of cake. then crumb coat the outside of the cake with the whipped cream scraping the sides to get all of the crumbs suspended in the cream. refrigerate for 15 minutes and then frost the outside with the remaining whipped cream. decorate and admire what you've created. 


peach blackberry crumble tart


today someone left a peach pit on my car. hmm, curious. while i don't quite appreciate it, i'd much prefer that to trash or beer bottles or a ball of lint.
and at least somebody enjoyed a delicious summer peach.


so all in all, it made me think about peaches. then i made this tart.






the original recipe is from here. because jamie is awesome and her blog is awesome and she makes way cool things.



CUSTARDY GOO. with crunchy cinammony crumbles. 

Peach Blackberry Crumble Tart
the original recipe is from here. because jamie is awesome and her blog is awesome and she makes way cool things. 

for the crust and crumble:
1/2 cup almond flour
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon
pinch of nutmeg and ginger
1/2 tsp salt
10 tbsp unsalted butter, cold and cut in pieces

for filling:
1 tbsp all-purpose flour
1/3 cup sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
1/3 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup milk
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp almond extract
pinch of salt
1/4 tsp nutmeg
4 peaches
a few handfuls of blackberries

preheat to 350. butter the inside of a springform pan or pie plate. for crust: in the bowl of an electric mixer, mix almond flour, flour, sugars, spices, and salt. incorporate butter on low speed til it comes together. press 3/4 of it into the pan and bake for 10-15 minutes. set aside to cool while you make the filling. 
whisk together the custard ingredients. scatter the fruit in the bottom of the crust and pour over the custard. sprinkle with the reserved crumb topping. bake for 45-55 minutes, or until the filling is set and beginning to brown. 

goat cheese hazelnut drop biscuits


things that are cute:
little pasta
baby feet
eggs
striped bikinis
the little spoons they give you to try 10 ice cream flavors before making your selection
biscuits.

i always think bis-cutes when i spell out biscuits. its not a coincidence.
and i get to use eggs to make biscutes! ah, today is good. today is cute.
that biscuit up there is on my knee.
moving on.



BISCUTES. with hazelnuts and cheese from a goat.
dear goats, thank you for your awesome cheese. how do you make it so good? is it all the weird crap you eat like towels and newspaper and radishes?   what a mystery.

if you have any leftover..well first, what's wrong with you?
but really if you do, split it in half. make a little sandwich. a fried egg? avocado? more cheese? leeks and butter???
         food is just too good.


wanna know why i made these? remember that lemon vanilla jam?


things got a little messy. i got jam crazy.
holyballsyesdoitnow

Goat Cheese Hazelnut Drop Biscuits
adapted from the bon appetit cookbook

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp baking powder
3/4 tsp cream of tartar 
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 cup chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1/2 inch pieces
3/4 cup goat cheese, broken into chunks
2/3 cup hazelnuts, toasted 
1 cup chilled buttermilk
1 large egg

preheat oven to 400. whisk the first 6 ingredients in a big bowl. add butter and rub in with fingertips until the mix resembles coarse meal. add in cheese, run in with fingertips. mix in hazelnuts. whisk buttermilk and egg together in a bowl and then add to flour mix, stirring just until the dough comes together. 
drop 1/3 cup scoops of dough onto baking sheet, spacing 2 inches apart. bake until they are beautifully golden brown, about 15 minutes. 

lemon vanilla jam



julia. its 2:30 in the morning. you need to wake up in a couple hours. why can't you just shut your eyeballs and drift off to sleep. 


i don't know, i just can't. 
maybe it's because i can't stop thinking about those amazing heels i just bought and how i definitely probably should not have. woops. 
they were screaming at me. i saw them first thing and then they haunted me all day. 
they needed to be bought. by me. 


but alas, now i cannot stop day-dreaming about them when i should be night-dreaming
I NEED TO BE NIGHT DREAMING


i made this this morning before i spotted the insomnia causing shoes. 


lemon vanilla jam. 
ooooo man. check out this jam. this jam is definitely my jam. 
orange marmalade is kinda getting old. 
<not really. i love orange marmalade>
but still, make this jam. 


bah bah boo bang bah boo. the beats from my jam (session). 
huh? 
it's late. i feel weird. 
do you have lemons? thin skinned ones? 
vanilla bean. check
sugar? cool. 
let's make jam. 


Lemon Vanilla Jam
adapted from Falling Cloudberries. its a beaaautiful book of greek family recipes. 
i'm in cookbook love with it. 

6 thin-skinned lemons
5 1/2 cups sugar
a vanilla bean, splitted lengthwise

wash and slice the lemons finely. get out all the seeds. put them in a big pot with 5 cups of water. bring to a boil and then simmer for 45 minutes to an hour until they're soft. then add sugar and vanilla bean and simmer for another hour. test the consistency by spooning a little into a bowl slide down with a little resistance like jam. spoon into containers. if you aren't canning them up then use the jam within the next week. to vacuum seal, put jars upside down and cover with a dish towel and let completely cool, by then the top should be bubbled out a little and all sealed up. 

eat it with goat cheese. or in little tarts. or on toast with butter. your fingertips. 
grilled brioche with ricotta!...i'm getting ahead of myself. 


neapolitan marble cake


my foot is throbbing. why? because when i was walking out of the bathroom a staple jammed into my heel.
it really hurts.
who on earth in this house is stapling things in the bathroom?
i think i need to go eat some of this cake.


do you like marble cake? yes you do
not the store-bought pre-sliced bundt cakes that always show up at strange family and friend gatherings. no.
neapolitan marble cake.


each layer tastes like its own. sour cream keeps the crumb dense but super moist.
moist.
look at these colors. it looks like an ice cream shop and summer.
neapolitan ice cream. awesome
neapolitan marble cake. (!) more awesome.



Neapolitan Marble Cake
adapted from Baked's Marble Bundt Cake

Sour Cream Cake
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup unsalted butter, soft, cut into pieces
2 1/4 cups sugar
4 large eggs
16 oz sour cream
2 tsp vanilla

for chocolate swirl
6 oz dark chocolate (60-72% cacao), chopped
1 tsp unsweetened dark cocoa powder

for strawberry swirl
1/2 cup diced strawberries
1 tbsp strawberry preserves
a few drops of pink coloring

make chocolate swirl: in the top of a double boiler over simmering water or in microwave, melt the chocolate. when it's completely smooth, add the cocoa powder. remove from heat and set aside. 

preheat oven to 350. spray the inside of a 10 inch bundt pan. sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with paddle attachment, cream the butter until smooth. scrape down the sides and add the sugar. beat until smooth and fluffy. add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. scrape down bowl and mix. add the sour cream and vanilla and beat until just incorporated. add the dry ingredients in 3 additions. do not overmix! 

pour 1/3 of batter into the chocolate and combine. fold strawberries and preserves into another 1/3 of batter. plop large spoonfuls of 3 batters into pan. then use a butter knife to pull through the layers and make swirls. bake in the center of the oven for about an hour, rotating halfway through. 
let cake cool in the pan for a bit and then invert. 
eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

bundt away little fairies!



rude mantis.


this prangmantis is getting pretty sick and tired of all this nonsense. it yelled at me for not having an insightful and visually appealing post today. then it punched my ankle and pranged away.